The Devil's Excrement

Jeez, given that I, Hugo Chavez, in my own opinion, has been such a “pendejo” for ten years, I now have decided to step on it and trample the opposition. I guess you all better step aside, no?

I am declaring that any criticism of judicial decisions is “subversive”, it goes against me, and I have asked the judicial system to look into how the media is trying to destabilize the country and my rule. I have also asked  the judicial system to find the “intellectual” authors of the 2002 “coup”. And I want it done fast! I know who they are, I add a name to the list every day!

And it is becoming clear to me, that I may have to lead this investigation, like I did in the Manuel Rosales case, when I found the Mayor of Maracaibo guilty even before the evidence had been evaluated. Why can’t those around me do their work as well as I do them? They could not beat Ledezma in the election, but I had no trouble beating him, I simply changed the law and will name him a boss! Simple, sweet and democratic! Why do I have to do everything?

I mean, why spend so much money on Judges, Courts, Prosecutors, when I can do all of their jobs so speedily and with the impartiality of ten years of trampling the opposition the way I have. After all, if the robolution, pardon me, revolution, is eternal, why carry out any more pretenses? Shut down Globovision, jail the reporters, send the Judges home. Let the Government’s TV station VTV give us daily its narrow view of what this revolution is about: It’s about me, Hugo Chavez, staying in power forever and not allowing anyone, friend of foe to dissent. Because after all, VTV only carries the official version about the revolution, no dissenters are allowed, interviewed or presented. I mean, if they are pro-Chavez they have to agree with everything I say, if they are not, they are oligarchs from the opposition. Ask Baduel or Ismael Garcia. Serves them right!

This is a democracy because the opposition can say most of what it wants, which is not the case for the people that support me. I will not allow that!

Because Venezuela has become the world’s most democratic country, after Cuba, North Korea and Zimbabwe. And if any of you doubt it, just look at Globovision, where the opposition can say whatever they want. That’s democracy, just look at the poor Chavistas, they can only say what they think in aporrea, and thanks God most Chavistas have no access to Internet, so they can not read aporrea’s subversive garbage.

And imagine that, El Nacional subverting my Government and the democratically elected order of the Bolivarian Nation, claiming that gringo rice is being sold by PDVSA nationwide. Lies! All lies by the oligarchs! Only the Chinese have the ability to write on a grain of rice, and we pay thousands of Chinese to write on each grain of rice so that each one says “Hecho en Venezuela”. It costs a lot (It’s cheaper to do it there, so we use Chinese rice, which is the rice of the future), but since by now every Venezuelan in the barrios has a magnifying glass or a microscope at home, they know exactly where their rice is coming from and it is not from Clinton’s home state. We will not allow anything to subvert our revolution!

And let Globovision (Por ahora!) say what they want, but we will not allow the Chavistas masses to be told anything but our truth, pre-digested, pre-packaged and pre-evacuated by me, Hugo Chavez. And while many believe I am the King of the Pendejos, it is all media manipulation. Take for example today’s report that mighty me, Hugo Chavez, has only built an average of 38,587 housing units per year, while even incompetent Lusinchi did better than that in the terrible days of the IVth. Republic.

Lies! Al Lies! Everytime a housing unit is finished, there is an opposition crew in a Globovision van ready to destroy it! Hundreds of thousands of housing units destroyed this way.  And if I can not even fight crime (I can not be in all places at once, no?), how can I stop the millions of opposition oligarchs that spend all their time destroying what we build?

And look at how we have tamed inflation. I just called the Central Bank and brought Giordani back and the guys at the Central Bank have learned how to measure things right. If Giordani has his way, we might get the CPI into negative territory by the end of the year. That’s a revolution!

And there will not be a devaluation! Over my  dead Bolivarian body! If necessary, I will stop giving out dollars at Bs.2.15, but I simply refuse to devalue. No way! We can’t do that to the people. They have suffered enough in the hands of the IVth.Republic. They shall not return!

And the only thing I agree with Obama on, is the need to print money to get us out of this hole that the world crisis has gotten us into. I have ordered the Central Bank to continue its pioneering work in printing as many Bolivars as we need without control. It has worked so well, that Obama is following my footsteps, printing a gizillion US dollars.

But I will not let Obama top me. I have ordered the Central Bank to print a Yotta of Bolivars, so that I can spend them in making the “people” happy. Remember, to me, the opposition trash are not people, just trash, so I will give them nothing. Just trample them! I order you to do so!

Enough for one democratic day. I have to go write an article about our democratic process. I have to go fire some people from my Cabinet. Every time I name a civilian, they go screw it up. I thought women were different, or at least Chavista women, but then the stupid lady I named to Science and Technology could not even go buy me a good satellite. So I had to put Jesse in that position. He really confuses people. You never know if he is civilian or military, male or…well you get the picture. If he does a good job, I will put him in charge of our atomic program. That’s why I put him there, I want him to catch up on nuclear and atomic stuff and start building us something the gringoes will get scared of. I even gave him a Physics for Idiots book for his birthday, but forgot he doesn’t read English. I guess we will take longer, but nothing will stop us.  If he cant’ do it, I will name Merentes, he is really good with numbers. Remember how he lost four billion dollars that year?

Anyway, enought for today, unless I feel like talking later, in which case I may be back, there are no soap operas or important games coming up later tonight. And stop calling me a Dictator. If you do, I may decide to kill you…just kidding…but the threat works, no? I may have to prohibit words that start with D, I hate them all…Democracy, Devaluation, Dictatorship…

Today is the seven year anniversary of a truly terrible and dark day in Venezuela’s modern history. As protests increased for days, Hugo Chavez began planning how to counter the protests with the military. When the peaceful march turned towards Miraflores Palace, the pro-Chavez groups were all ready. Shooting began as Chavez tried to block TV stations from showing what was happening. People started dying, first opposition marchers, after a while, people fell on both sides.

Then a series of coups began. Chavez resigned as told to the Nation by his Chief of Staff. The military did not obey Chavez’ orders or turn on “Plan Avila”, the same repressive military operation that gestated the Caracazo in 1989 and made Chavez what he was and is today. Once Chavez resigned, all groups jockeyed for position and forgot to get his resignation formalized so that he could have been tried for what he induced that day. It was a true tribute to our military, how disorganized and unplanned the whole thing was. Somehow, the dumb and dumber group of incompetent Carmona and his military friends won and tried to bypass the Constitution.

Then, General Baduel, today in jail, brought Chavez back. the story was reconstructed, the myth of US involvement was started, the truth commission was buried and the day of “the coup” was born, even if we are never told which one.

A sad history of the ability of Chavismo to manipulate and twist history. To turn Chavez’ most damning moment into a victory. His role that day was clear: he wanted to repress the march at any cost. And he did, but he has never paid for it. His meetings the days prior to the march were grotesque for a Head of State that claims to care for his people or human rights. Even the Prosecutor General, whose mandate is to defend the law was there, preparing the attack on the opposition.

Chavez’ return was also grotesque. All contrite rosary in hand, asking for forgiveness, but ready to attack again, which he is doing to this day. All to promote himself. At any cost. And he will do it again if he has to.

Hopefully, he will not be able to change history again.

(You can learn more about that day here, here or here, I don’t have the energy to go back over it beyond my brief summary of that day above. Quico gives an excellent introductory review of this day for beginners and today he has an excellent interview with the author of an upcoming book on that crisis, which tells us a lot about the evidence available for the different stories of that day. )

Everyday that goes by, the lies and the feverish imagination of Chavez and his cronies takes us to new heights in their imaginary wonderland that supposedly Venezuela has become:

• Chavez used his double speak the other day in Tokyo when he said it would be hard to find a kid going hungry in Venezuela, if not impossible. He never made it clear whether he was talking about today or the future. He made use a of a tense that confused you and then talked about statistics and the long road ahead. He obviously does not know. After all, if it took him five years to see the Sambil Mall being built ten blocks from his Presidential palace, he will not see the kids begging or living in cardboard boxes all over the city.
• And in another imaginary leap into his own fantaay world, Chavez said in Tokyo that the Japanese would spend US$ 33.5 billion in Venezuela. Of course, none of this was confirmed by the Japanese, who only said they had signed a couple of agreements to study the possibility of working in the Orinoco Oil belt.
• Then Chavez’ oil crony Minister of Oil and Energy Rafael Ramirez, said in Vienna that Venezuela produces approximately 800,000 barrels of oil from the Orinoco Oil belt. Hard to believe, given that the four heavy crude projects nationalized by Chavez only had capacity for 600,000 barrels of oil a day of production and 520,000 barrels of upgrading and there has been no investemnt by PDVSA in them. Moreover, it is precisely these projects that have been forced to cut production to try to abide by the OPEC quotas. In addition, the Cerro Negro (now Petromonagas) facility shut down an in January taking out 120,000 barrels a day. Thus, between cuts and shutdowns, the number seems to be closer to 300,000 barrels a day.
• And everyone was quite incredulous to find out that inflation in March only went up a scant 1.5% in March. Particularly, the Government reports that Food and Beverages was flat for the month, which made all consumers laugh, whether pro or against Chavez. This Food and Beverages is a hilarious scam, most “beverages” are up 100% since the beginning of the year, but the Central Bank seems to be making certain that it does not show. I guess soon we will not even belive international reserves numbers emanating from the Central Bank.
• And while Venezuela claims there are 200-plus drilling rigs active in the country, Baker Hughes reported that last month the number of active rigs, dropped from 69 to 63, making the promise of an extra 200,000 barrels per day in new production for 2009, much harder to fullfil.
• And Chavez taked about the Chinese refinery assuring us that its constructionhad already started. However, Veneconomy reports that the refinery did not get its enviromental permits and the project was moved to a different city, implying a delay of at least two years.
• And, of course, there will be no devaluation, but CADIVI is giving out less and less and forcing people to import at the parallel swap rate near bs. 6 per US$.
• And Jesse Chacon was appointed both Minister of Communications and Minister of Science and Technology. The former Minister of Science was fired over her failure with the Chinese satellite and some inappropriate comments she made in Iran. Chavez just sent her packing from Teheran. Naming Chacon to the position appears to be revenge (or poetic justice?) for naming Mathematician Merentes to the Ministry of Finance a few years ago. Chacon knows about Science and Technology roughly as much as Merentes knows about finance: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Chavez could care less, everything is just peachy in both the economy and science and technology in Venezuela, he is in charge of them both, even if he knows less than everyone…

(Cartoon by Weil)

And in what people still think is a democracy, the Chavez Government decided to get back by legislation what it lost in the November elections, as it approved the new Bill for the Capital District, a Bill that castrates the newly elected mayor of the Metropolitan District Antonio Ledezma.  Just like that, Ledezma not only will have a boss appointed by Chávez, but the Bill also takes away his office and his budget. His office will now be occupied by the new Chief of the Capital District, who will also get most of Ledezma’s budget.

Ledezma’s budget will now be only the 10% that is transferred to him by the other Mayors of the Caracas Metropolitan area. As for his office…well, he will probably have to rent one with the meager budget left to him. All of which guarantees that he will be able to do very little for his voters, no budget, no office no responsibilities, a eunuch Mayor if I have ever seen one.

Thus, another historic Chapter in Chavez’ “participative” democracy was closed yesterday and all we have left to find out is if the new Vice-President for the Capital District will ironically be the same person that was defeated by Ledezma at the polls last November.

Thus, much like Chavez’ other actions these days, a new coup was achieved Chavez’ style. To Hell with democracy, let’s stage a Metropolitan Coup and take over what we lost at the polls by legislating appropriately, much like it was done last year with the 26 Bills that revived most of the issues rejected by the voters in the 2007 Constitutional referendum, or the February reelection referendum, or the recent decentralization Bill. Just small coup after small coup, which simply disguise the true nature of the Chavez regime.

Not that Ledezma had been allowed to exercise much of the office he was elected to in November. His office is still invaded by a bunch of Chavista thugs, who I am sure will now sheepishly leave now that Chavismo won them back in this epic battle of the fake Chavista democracy.

Which only goes to show that this battle can not be won with the ballot box or peacefully. Ledezma should have hired a couple of hundred thugs of his own and taken over his office a couple of months ago. Because clearly neither the Supreme Court nor the Government will ever return to him what is rightfully and democratically his.

Because this is no longer a democracy, because neither Chavez’ nor the Assembly’s power is limited by the law or the Constitution. They do what they want and how they want it. And it is not a matter of assigning labels to it, it is a matter that Venezuelans have had their democracy stolen and they seem to be doing very little about it.

People seem to cling to a hope that somehow Chavez will go away magically or will not go beyond where he has so far. But they are wrong. Chávez has no ethics and no scruples. he will do what he has to do to preserve his power. The only way to fight back is to forget about those democratic and legal scruples which are no longer part of this fight.

You don’t fight a Metropolitan Coup with the law, you fight it in the streets. And if you don’t, you will lose the next battle too. Whichever it may be.

There was a very strong tremor in Caracas this afternoon. It actually felt stronger than the 4.2 being reported, probaby because of its proximity to the city (offshore 10 Km. from Caracas). I was actually taking a nap and the vibration of the building woke me up, very eerie feeling waking up like that and recognizing what was happening. Here is the image of the epicenter right of the Coast and a map (The webpage of the Venezuelan Foundation for Seismological Research is down, how timely!):

Direct from the thugs mouths, Hugo Chavez (El Nacional page A-4) on the sentence of the policemen (italics are mine):

“It is not that I want someone jailed (yeah, sure), but I was in jail and accepted it (But was never sentenced to 30 years in prison for the killing over 200 people, a silly old democrat pardoned me). Each person has to assume his responsibilities (Even if I never assume any?), I think there is sufficient evidence to condemn not only the captains, but for many others that are going around freely calling for rebellion  and a coup (like I did for many years)

Here in my soul I am pleased (My orders were thoroughly obeyed) Not because of the personal tragedy of some, because this is not a feeling of revenge (only want to create fear)but because justice wins (general laughter) to guarantee the peace and development of the country. (So I can stay in power forever)

I think that there is lots to be done to achieve justice on April 11th. (Yeah! We still have to try Hugo Chavez). There are many other guilty ones (Get ready!)”

In a carefully plotted week of repression and suppression of dissent, Hugo Chavez completed his pre-Easter sweep of the opposition when after the overdue sentencing of the heads of the Metropolitan Police during the stormy days of April, 2002 events took pace and they were found guilty and condemned to 30 years in jail.

It was certainly a day for infamy, as the Simonovich, Forero and Vivas were found guilty and in a clear message to all Venezuelans were given a 30 year sentence, the maximum possible, despite the fact that the Prosecution could not connect the men charged with the terrible deaths that day. In his closing statement, the Prosecutor revealed the perversity of the whole thing as he stated: “None of the weapons carried by the accused fired the bullets that injured the people..” Evidence was so scant that it took five years for them to be able to orchestrate a trial.

Despite this and the flimsy evidence, the whole process was manipulated for years and was resolved this week as part of the orders by Hugo Chavez to deal with the opposition this week while he was away and as Venezuelans got ready to take next week off as part of Easter week. His underlings obeyed, as his biggest political contender of the last ten years, Manuel Rosales was persecuted even in the absence of an arrest order, his former buddy and current enemy Raul Baduel was jailed today and the April 11th. 2002 deaths were pinned on the metropolitan policemen in charge of protecting the peaceful march that was first shot at that fateful day.

The almost five years of their trial, full of violations of the most elementary principles of Venezuela’s laws, contrast with the trial of the pro-Chavez supporters caught on camera shooting at the march. These men were given a quick trial and despite the much stronger evidence against them, were quickly found innocent, tried and allowed to go free. Their picture that day:

was much stronger than any of the evidence against the men sentenced today.

But this process was not about justice, but about establishing who rules Venezuela at will and decides what the law should or not do.

And the whole charade was carefully orchestrated to isolate and distance Chavez from it in his characteristics cowardly way. While he was in the Middle East traveling and supporting murderers, his orders were carried out with an efficiency reserved only for the repressive acts of his Government, but never for anything constructive.

And there seemed to be many messages for both Chavez’ buddies as well as his enemies: If you are against me, don’t try to lead the opposition and if you are with me, never dare turn on me or you will never see the light of day. Justice is no longer a valid word in Venezuela, the Hugo Chavez Government has no scruples and no intention of talking or reaching a truce with the opposition, let alone a meaningful dialogue with those that are against him. He is the President of the 5o-plus per cent that votes for him, the rest are men without a country, enemies of the State, oligrachs that want to oppose the only political project in Venezuela: The perpetuation of Hugo Chavez in power.

And it is indeed a sad day, as people are shocked at what many expected to happen. Anyone that thought there would be leniency did not follow the trials of Uson or General Rodriguez or the persecution of General Gonzalez Gonzalez, all institutional men that worked with Chavez, but when they had had enough, either left or confronted the Dictator, were in turn confronted with the full force his power and the police and military forces he controls.

And by the time most Venezuelans come back home from their Easter vacation ready to fight, Chavez will change topics and initiate a different war somewhere else. And like the Teflon Dictator he is, nothing will stick to him among his supporters, that adoring quasi-religious crowd that despite their hardships, continue to believe the lies and excuses of our devious and  incompetent President.

And Venezuelans will be left to wonder who will be next and how will the next confrontation develop. And those that think that violence and death will not be part of our future have short memories. Hugo Chavez and his peons have no morals, no scruples and no limits to what they will do to preserve his power and protect their newly found wealth.

It was a day that will be remembered in Venezuelan history if what is to come does not completely overshadow the indecency and immorality of this week’s events.

A very sad day, even if expected, when justice became an empty word in Venezuela and fear was driven into the minds of all Venezuelans who believe in rights and freedom. But a day that we will see repeated in the future, as we have allowed Hugo Chavez and his cronies to steal and rape our country, appointing him as the only ruler of the new oligarchy, which in the end appears to be the only force capable of removing him in the future.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has clearly decided to set aside any pretense of democracy as it intensified a campaign against opposition leaders, apparently aimed at isolating and removing anyone that could become a visible head of the country’s opposition. While earlier Chavez had used more subtle ways of neutralizing opponents, such as the disqualification of candidates from the opposition from running for office, this time the subtlety has been left aside and the Government has displayed a ferocious attack against opposition leaders.

The first victim of this wave was former Presidential candidate Manuel Rosales, who was investigated by the National Assembly and in the end was charged with corruption by an examination by the Comptroller of Rosales’ own statements throughout the years of his personal assets, which the Comptroller deemed to not be justifiable based on his salary.

Rosales has been accused in the media by Chavismo leaders and in the last few days has been treated  as if he is avoiding an order to be captured, while in reality no arrest warrant has been issued.

I am told that the Judge that was supposed to sign such an order declared herself to be ill and the Government has not found anyone that would sign the order for Rosales’ arrest. Rosales has been in hiding and has an audience with the Prosecutor on April 20th., where charges will be presented against him. Adding to that, today he was denounced for attempted homicide  by some workers injured in a riot in front of the office of the Maracaibo Mayor, which Rosales heads.

The second victim today was retired General Raul Baduel, a member of Chavez’ inner circle for many years and the man that single handedly brought Chavez back to power in 2002. Baduel retired in 2007 as Minister of Defense and opposed Chavez Constitutional referendum that year, helping the drive to defeat that proposal. He was charged with corruption, accusing him of administrative irregularities as Minister.

Baduel was arrested forecfully today by military police and there was no arrest order as required. According to his son, the path of his car was blocked and he was placed in a station wagon at gunpoint. Baduel had been to all audiences in which he was charged and had been allowed to be tried while in freedom. It is unclear why this was reversed and his lawyer says there will be an audience tomorrow.

Finally, today a pro-Chavez Deputy Iris Varela, called for an investigation of Teodoro Petkoff’s mother, who died in 1974. Petkoff, a vocal and forceful opponent of the Chavez administration, said it was unbelievable that the Government was bringing up his mother’s probate tax statement, saying the only objective was to disqualify opposition leaders.

The Chavez administration has also been very aggressive taking away responsibilities from opposition Governors and Mayors, which are assigned to them by the Constitution. Last month, the Government removed all ports and airports from their administration and today the National Assembly approved a new Bill for the Capital District of Caracas. In the words of some of the Deputies proposing this Bill, it is needed to limit the action of the opposition Mayor of the Metropolitan Mayor of Caracas if we are to have a “socialist city”. Clearly, this Bill violates the will of yhose that voted for Mayor Ledezma in November, a victory that Chavez went out of his way to avoid. Previously he had disqualified Leopoldo Lopez who was leading the polls by having the Comptroller find him guilty of administrative irregularities and banning him from running for office for seven years.

Thus, Chavez’ anti-democratic roots have surfaced clearly as he represses dissent, creating fear in those that oppose his now dictatorial regime. His total control over the institutional framework of the country attempts to disguise his true intentions, but there is no longer an attempt to even maintain the pretense of legality, it is an all out media campaign to hide the facts and find opposition leaders guilty of corruption even before they have been tried.

Curiously, as has been the case during his cowardly regime, this all fronts attack is made as Chavez is traveling and his loyal cronies follow his orders, allowing him to distance himself from the fray.

Expect this attack to continue against the media and other opposition figures as the economy deteriorates and Chavez continues his only real project: The preservation of Hugo Chavez in power forever.

Caracas is abuzz with expectations for the upcoming Miraflores Ball with Sudan’s President and revolutionary hero Omar al-Bashir. al-Bashir has not confirmed his attendance yet, but other guests are being contacted and offered movies and support to attend, among others (picture take from here):

al-Bashir will dance with Campbell, kiss Penn, hug Spacey and call Glover “my bro”.

They are all invited to the book burning ceremony afterwards. Mugabe is not coming, with inflation rampant in his country, he can’t get his credit card limit increased. Saddam is dead. Pity, he would have come…

One will get a Simon Bolivar sword in absentia, the other one posthoumously.

Chavez will take cheap shots at the elegant President…

A grand time will be had by all.

Clooney, Spielberg and other smart people are not coming…