I wanted to write something about the grotesque visit to Venezuela by the the small man from Iran, but felt that I had little to add to the sad spectacle of Chavez calling the Iranian Dictator someone Venezuelans are supposed to have common ground with. But then I read this satire by the always hilarious and poignant Chigüire Bipolar and figured translating that post to English would tell very simply how absurd and incongruous the whole spectacle of the sick-fat man from Caracas hugging and praising the tiny-intolerant man from Teheran. Thanks to the Chigüire for the permission to do so.
Minister for Women Offers Herself to be lapidated by Ahmadineyad by Chigüire Bipolar
Yesterday, President Hugo Chavez gathered his ministers to request from them that they make feel at home his Iranian counterpart Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The occasion was used by the Minister for the People’s Power for Women, Nancy Perez, to volunteer to be stoned by the distinguished visitor.
“Good afternoon, colleagues, my name is Nancy Perez and I am Minister for Women. Yes, just what you are hearing, I am not pulling your leg. You mean, you did not know there was a Ministry of Women! You never received the Official Gazette? ” said Minister Perez, as a way to break the ice. “Well, seriously, as a representative of Venezuelan women, for me personally it would be an honor to offer myself so that such a distinguished visitor may bury me in the ground up to my neck and stone me to his full pleasure. He can throw acid in my face, he can order me to wear a veil if he likes it, you know what they say:Eyes that can’t see, heart that stops beating because they beat the shit out of it” commented the Minister while she pointed out the parts of her face where it hurts the least to be hit with sharp stones.
“The Iranian president can also whip me if I bend down and he can see my thong, he can have all my skirts destroyed, as well as my low cut blouses and my open sandals. If gentleman Mahmud is Chavez’ distinguished visitor, then Venezuelan women become obedient and submissive, the way President Ahmadinejad likes it” said Perez, moments before calling the CH store in Sambil to ask if by any chance they had any red burkas.
After convincing his 55 colleagues that her ministry was not a joke, Minister Pérez ended her speech: “Our ministry, responsible for ensuring the dignity of women and gender equality, is pleased to receive this champion of the struggle for the rights of the macho, the male, the man and the boy. We declare our joy throughout the country, and therefore encourage women of our country not to leave their homes during the visit of the Iranian President, to remain silent in front of their husbands and boyfriends and indulge them in everything. Yes, everything. Even if it is degrading, disgusting and violates their rights. And please, do not come out with your revealing clothes, lest they awaken the libido of some representative from Iran and we may have to cut your little hands. The occasion demands it”
The Devil's Excrement 
January 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Looking at the photo again…. Hugo looking way the hell wide in the face and shoulders, and the Shahlito, is he standing on an Ottoman? I mean srsly.
January 12, 2012 at 11:03 am
Well, U.S. carrier(s) are near Hormuz and sanctions are about to go down…so what does Hugito do if Iran tries to close the waterway, prompting U.S. military action:
Does he stop selling oil to the U.S.?
Of course not–because he’s full of crap, a coward, and as much as Chavistas hate to admit it, when it comes to oil, HCF is the biggest fucking capitalist on the block.
January 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Good one!
January 12, 2012 at 8:22 am
Did Ahmadinejad visit HC and Latin America to show his solidarity or did he come as a bill collector?
January 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm
he came to bid farewell to Fidel and Hugo. No virgins for nonbelievers
January 12, 2012 at 7:54 am
Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down!
January 11, 2012 at 4:13 pm
All I can think about is: How FAT IS HUGO!!!! This guy is either ill or chowing down on some serious pies every minute of every day.
If he pops it’ll make a terrible mess.
January 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm
expect him to keel over anytime
January 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm
Looking at the pic of Himself all I can think of is the rhyme: “Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… All the kings horses and all the kings men. Could not put Humpty back together again!
January 10, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I fond it incredible that a fool from Florida can fall in love with a fool that with oil prices increasing by a factor of ten during his Government has been unable to even move poverty indices. And the Floridian fool calls for the end of capitalism, simply because those Europeans exaggerated on the socialist ideal and tried to give too much to too many without having earned it.
And Cort, your country is incredibly resourceful, so much so, that it will likely get rid of Obama and elect a Republican in order for capitalism to get back on track.
But the future of capitalism is not in the US Curt, look to Asia, where capitalism without religious interference and strong family values is winning the battle. They have no unions, work hard and ignore foolish ideas like your.
Capitalism is not going to disappear for the simple reason that capitalism grows out of the inherent nature of the individual and fools like you are willing to see and enjoy the revolution from afar, but not get involved.
It is not a baseball game.
January 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Ahmadinejad and Chavez are like Hitler and Mussolini, Racist and the Buffoon.
Poor Mussolini got him self entangled in Hitler’s dreams of a Greater Germany,
Ahmadinejad dreams of bringing back the Persian Empire.
his dream of dominating the Middle East can do in Chavez,
what the opposition has failed at in over 12 years.
If Mussolini had been content with having the trains run on time he would
not have ended being hung in a gas station.
Will Chavez pay attention to history? no, he thinks he can walk on water,
and doesn’t understand he’s out of his depth.
January 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm
At least Mussolini committed Italy to slaughter, shame and civil war.
No such luck with Hugo. His other “friends” Saddam and Muammar died supported only by Hugo’s (brain) withering rhetoric. I suppose Mahmoud will be content with that when the bombs start to hit.
January 10, 2012 at 11:30 am
A fascinating discussion…
I have found that Persians are some of the nicest, most intelligent and industrious people that I know. Good people. Their ex-pat engineers practically run southern California. The young, under 40, are the predominate force in Iran today. There is no future for them, no hope. They have nowhere to go. Their lives are stifling under religious restrictions.
For the young women of Iran it is even more tragic. Remember the woman who died in the streets of Tehran last year? There is a haunting u-tube video of her, her Persain black eyes wide open, lying in the streets in her own blood and knowing that her young life was passing away. So, yes, absolutely, why shouldn’t the women of Venezuela ask questions about this to Mr. Achmanutjob? Could any Venezuelan woman, any South American woman live like that? Yet,…yet this ‘criminal’ is being honored at Miraflores Palace. Why?
January 10, 2012 at 7:25 am
Must have struck a raw nerve by telling the truth, hey!
No, it was Crossland Sr.High right outside of DC, Flordia and Miami are my hometowns now. When you revolution is completed, y’all will be living in Doral. Better get your tickets now.
If you don’t think capitalism is a problem or in trouble, you have not been keeping up with the world economic crisis and smoking something really bad.
January 10, 2012 at 8:10 am
Tenía que ser Florida (no, Miguel, not with you, you arrived there late)
Cort,
You really sound like these blokes
http://www.watchtower.org/
And it shows how little you understand about history or economics that 1) you think we are in “special times” when it comes to capitalism and
2) when you think Venezuela has anything related to a revolution.
Chavez and his cronies are nothing but Middle Age thugs.
I am anti-communist but I have to own up: I read what you were supposed to have read to be a commie and you definitely do not understand it, at all.
January 11, 2012 at 4:32 am
I for one am glad to hear he’s not from Hamilton, a fine little town.
January 10, 2012 at 8:23 am
Yeah, we have a raw nerve when it comes to detecting such incredible stupidity, particularly those that live the empty revolution from afar and applaud like seals the sorry spectacle of a fat Dictator meeting a bloody one.
January 10, 2012 at 8:42 am
Well said Miguel
January 10, 2012 at 9:29 am
After years of shilling for Chavez, I doubt you still know the difference between “truth” and propaganda.
And, statistically, I would rather be in a capitalist depression than a socialist boom. How do you explain the 4″ difference in height between North Koreans (socialist) and South Koreans (capitalist)?
January 10, 2012 at 11:24 am
Trolls gonna troll.
January 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Steve, is that you?
What was his nick name, slaverevolt?
January 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm
He is not slaverevolt..slaverevolt had better English….this guy sounds like English is his second language- or else he was graduated from a BAD school.
January 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Cort – since you are always inviting people to move to Doral, I would like to invite you to trade places with any middle class venezuelan (or much better, with any poor chavista) and go live abroad.
After a year or two we can talk about how good things are going for you.
January 9, 2012 at 11:42 pm
“I have been a supporter of the Bolivarian revolution for over a decade and feel the best is yet to come”= yep-exceot it HAS gotten worse.
Nothing good so far – what you are feeling is the urge
to visit el bano. you sick freak.
Seriosly, the “bolivarian revolution” is fiction.
There is no such animal as a “peasant revolution”
not in Bolivia, Nicaragua, nor Cuba.
and the enemy is not capitalism.
This is really the only message Chavez has ” I need more time..”
Granting more time to Chavez is unrealistic based on his
performance the past 12 + years…
January 9, 2012 at 10:21 pm
So, stone the women in the name of the revolution and hide them.
That says it all how stupid, ridicolous your words are
Bug Off you asshole!
January 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm
“Foreign policy is a extension of domestic policy” and Venezuela is still a contradiction stuck on the road to socialism by a bureaucracy and many state structures and functionaries, sabotaging and putting up road blocks against the workers, peasants and grassroots who want to move forward to it.
Venezuela’s policy as professed by the Foreign Ministry, Venezuelan Foreign Minister Nicolas Maduro and most of the diplomatic corps is a bourgeois nationalist model of the “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” and is giving cover to despots, murderers and it hurts the Bolivarian revolution in the long run.It has nothing in common with a what socialists know as “proletarian internationalism”.
All one has to do is look at mistake after mistake made whether its the recent debacles with the arrest in Venezuela of Colombian political refugee Joaquín Pérez Becerra and his hand over to Colombia and illegal extradition of him, to working with the coup mongers in Honduras while repression continues and will remain unabated their.
Iran, Syria, Libya, China, Sri Lanka and many others are just in a long road of this type wrong headed policy.
To be anti imperialist, one must be anti capitalist also. Grand Ayatollah Sayyed Ruhollah Musavi Khomeini was put into power by the US and the other imperialist powers( Guadalupe Conference on Iran) to save capitalism with the help of US General Huysar who through the Shah overboard in order to stop socialism from coming to power in 1979 in Iran, millions of Iranians know this.
Tens upon tens of thousands of communists, socialists, trade unionists, gays, women and others have been killed, jailed and oppressed by Islamicregime since then.
The good news is the revolution continues and the bureaucracy and capitalism days are numbered.I have been a supporter of the Bolivarian revolution for over a decade and feel the best is yet to come.
Rojo Rojito
Cort
January 9, 2012 at 10:37 pm
So, all of the governments in opposition to the United States and capitalism are killing and repressing their citizens in the name of “socialist revolution”, but you still have high hopes…
You got any more of that stuff you’ve been smoking…?
January 10, 2012 at 10:04 am
That’s great!
January 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm
“You got any more of that stuff you’ve been smoking…?”
Could I have some too?
January 10, 2012 at 4:32 am
I reckon it could be fascinating to examine Cort Green’s neural networks to determine how is it possible that a specimen of Homo sapiens can so obviously behave like an inebriated version of the Amazona leucocephala, but without the numerical or spatial solving skills of that species.
January 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm
Please refrain from insulting members of the genus Amazona. They are quirky, independent minded and have limited patience with fools.
January 10, 2012 at 6:14 am
“…who through the Shah overboard”
At the very least get your spelling right.
Another terminally damaged mind at work.
It would be interesting to see where “Cort Greene” lives.
I bet it’s not a barrio like 23 de Enero.
ja, ja
January 10, 2012 at 6:37 am
No. He attended Hamilton High School in Alabama and he excelled in softball and cheer-leading. He has been with CHavismo for a long time already. I just think how many turkeys could have been fed with the food Cox has consumed through his life…the loss, the loss.
January 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Now THAT is satire! I don’t know how they could have possibly pointed out the grotesqueness and incongruity of this state visit any better.
OT (but with a possible connection): The U.S. has ordered the expulsion of a Venezuelan diplomat for apparently being involved in discussions about mounting cyber attacks on the U.S. in concert with the Iranian Government. It wasn’t even discovered by U.S. intelligence, but by Spanish-language television network Univision, who aired it as a documentary on Sunday. It seems that some students were recruited for technical assistance and set up their own sting operation to record the discussions. Needless to say, the evidence is pretty solid.
See: http://news.yahoo.com/us-orders-expulsion-venezuelan-consul-181143258.html
So, given that Ahminajerk is in town, Chavez will feel compelled to show off for his revolutionary comrade. I think we should be able to witness a major Chavez diplomatic temper-tantrum tomorrow.
January 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Roy, the program aired a month ago on Univision. Glad to see her expulsion and kudos to Univision. The program was so-so but can’t argue with this result.
January 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm
I wonder if Ahmadinejad’s promise to help Venezuela map its’ uranium deposits will make other South American neighbors happy? The beginning of a very expensive and dangerous arms race? You KNOW that whatever steps, however tiny, Venezuela takes toward a nuke capability, WILL be matched by its’ neighbors that have the capability to do so. They won’t advertise it, but they won’t sit by and watch Hugo get a nuke, while they have none. Especially with all those advanced Russian aircraft he is purchasing. I imagine that Brazil, Argentina, and Chile could build a nuclear bomb within 5 years of starting a program. Brazil might be able to do it in 3.
Can you imagine what diplomats of countries with real governments say at cocktail parties about these clowns. Too bad wikileaks can’t get transcripts of those conversations. They would be priceless.
January 10, 2012 at 11:57 am
Bill, proliferation of WMDs to this hemisphere is a tricky subject. The possibility does currently exist but the feasibility is not there, in this case. The possibility is faint and remote but cannot be ruled out. What is not on the table: missiles bases, missile transfers, uranium mining/processing, etc… all fantasy tales. The mere whiff of something and the Americans will swing into action. All they need is an excuse and WMDs will do it every time. Nuclear deterrent and regime survival very tough in Venezuela.
January 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Bill, I am not an expert but can assure you Brasil and Argentina (nor anyone else) will embark on nuclear military program to build WMDs. Brasil will build it’s nuclear sub and the Argies want to develop rockets (under civilian guise)…good luck with funding.
January 9, 2012 at 9:56 pm
“Hugo Chávez Frías, ratificó este lunes que en las elecciones presidenciales que se realizarán el próximo 7 de octubre de 2012, sólo hay dos opciones: La patria o la colonia.
“Nosotros somos la patria y todos los demás candidatos son la colonia”, dijo, durante un encuentro con su par iraní Mahmud Ahdmadinejad, en el Palacio de Miraflores, en Caracas.
“Los venezolanos tienen que votar de nuevo, tenemos que escoger entre la patria o la colonia. Aquí habrá patria perpetua, patria para siempre, cueste lo que nos cueste”, expresó al recordar que sólo faltan 9 meses para que se realicen los comicios presidenciales.
En ese sentido, comentó que prevé viajar a Irán antes de las elecciones presidenciales o luego de su reelección.”No acepto menos del 60% (en las elecciones)” ,
Chavez enjoys telling lies in front of the world.
January 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm
This is one of those rare chances when I have to agree with Hugo and his “patria o colonia” statement: I for one hope that after October 7th 2012 Venezuela will no longer be governed by the Cuban government as has been the case since 1999…
January 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm
Yes, he is about as harmless as a poisonous snake,
a monkey with a loaded gun…
Doesn’t anyone find the relationship with
Chavez and Aminadinnerjacket – a “strange love”?
For one thing, Chavez cannot keep his hands off
of the Iranian.
Finally, though some Venzuelans are speaking out.
That is something to cheer about!!!
January 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Yes Ira, there is such here in Venezuela, and the chiguire bipolar is a website of comedians that satire the daily life of the venezuelan people… Let’s say is our way to make fun of ourselves so we don’t have to cry 😀
January 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Reality is weirder than life
http://www.avn.info.ve/node/83919
January 10, 2012 at 4:25 am
And in Venezuela last year more than 550 women were killed by their partners or relatives up to September alone.
That was 10 times more than in Spain, a country with 16 million people more.
January 10, 2012 at 11:23 am
And in the spanish news, everytime there is a death by domestic violence in the main headline, with constant calls for a specific phone number.
Here, the sounds of crickets.
January 9, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I’m totally confused:
There isn’t a Minister for Women, correct? This is a journalist?
If so, it’s funny. And it would REALLY be funny to have someone claim themselves to be the Minister for Gay Caracas Men:
Someone claiming he had sex with hundreds of Iranian studs–although Ahmadinejad has said that homosexuality doesn’t exist in Iran, and that it’s only a western “problem.”
We’re dealing with intolerant idiots here, my friends.
January 9, 2012 at 8:45 pm
Not quite, he has become so powerful, that the Ayatollahs are now clashing with him.
January 9, 2012 at 8:40 pm
The truth is that Ahmadinejad is little more than the live version of Zaphod Beeblebrox from Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy.
From the book:
The president in particular is very much a figurehead — he wields no real power whatsoever. He is apparently chosen by the government, but the qualities he is required to display are not those of leadership but those of finely judged outrage. For this reason the president is always a controversial choice, always an infuriating but fascinating character. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it.