I am a little dizzy from the torrent of dazzling Chavista wisdom coming out of the Government and its cohorts in the last forty eight hours or so. So many times during that period, I have asked myself: Did he really say that? or Holy S…! But it is all true, the ability of Chavismo to innovate and say the darndest things is truly incredible. But rather than kill myself writing posts about them, here is one with all the highlights:
–The Supernatural I: Former Attorney General and current Venezuelan Ambassador to Italy Isaias Rodriguez, said he talked to Chávez “mentally”, he said it was a two way conversation, a “mystical” experience. I have no doubt about it Isaias, sort of when you looked at that fake witness in the eye and knew he was telling the truth.
Gives a new meaning to the word “mental”, No?
–The Supernatural II: None other than Nico himself, told us that Hugo Chávez had an influence from heaven so that the Pope would be South American. (Does Nico know the new Pope is a staunch Kirchner opponent? But in the end Nico, this is not soccer, this is serious religious stuff) Nico said that Chávez was with Christ and that soon there might be a Constituent Assembly in Heaven.
You can´t make this stuff up, this atheists believe in so little, that they even dare suggest that you know who is in Heaven, rather than in the antipodes of Heaven, let alone anywhere near those that they don´t believe in. That must be why they can invoke all these names in vain.
It does not get more Bananai Republici than this.
–The Scientists I: And then, of course there is the formal Government investigation into how the cancer that killed Chávez was induced. Never mind that we don’t even know what type of cancer it was, no Doctor has ever told us about what Chávez was diagnosed with, but Nico has the gall to tell us, that it was a very particular type of cancer, making it sound ominous. Of course, the only type of cancer that can be induced would require a radiation source placed very close to the victim for a long time, so Nico better watch out and start searching and looking, because otherwise he is done with in a very short time too.
And then the president of PDVSA Rafael Ramirez comes and tells us that it is not a matter of belief, but that he is “convinced” that Chávez was assassinated, just like Arafat. The latter will be news to the Palestinians who have been unable to prove that. And they have tried.
But more importantly, here is the President of Venezuela’s most important company, which is supposed to need science and technology to compete and lead the country with its oil production, but he expresses urban legend types of beliefs and essentially, absolute ignorance about what he is taking about. No wonder they destroyed its science and technology institute.
But I have to wonder why the US did not kill Fidel? Just as an example. I guess those Americans really hate the Cubans.
By this time we are more and more into banana brain mentality.
–Let me make a point: And then Bloomberg reports that Russia’s Lukoil has been temporarily suspended from participating in the Faja Heavy oil projects until the company explains statements by the Vice-President of Lukoil to the effect that Venezuela could increase significantly its oil output, but:
“But you need a quiet situation, stability in contracts and a good situation for investment”
What is the answer to that? Well Lukoil, remember your contract? We are temporarily suspending it, until you explain why you said what you said and if you mean to say it.
A Mathematician would say “Quod Erat Demonstrandum” (QED):
Thank you for making my point Mr. Ramirez.
–Improvisation: And remember that Chávez was going to be embalmed forever and ever and placed in a glass casket so that everyone could see him?
Well, it turns out that despite having all the time in the world to plan it, nobody followed up on it and it apparently can’t be done now. It’s too late. The Venezuelan Government brought “scientists (???)”* from Russia and Germany and these rocket scientists on mummification say the process should have started sooner after Chávez death. So, the same guys that sent Chávez to Cuba to be taken care of, now brought “experts” from Russia to see how you do a process known for centuries. They don’t call them mommies for nothing. But Chavsimo calls it science. I guess making an arepa must be science to good old Nico, el chico.
This is making Isaias look good by now.
– Respect and Lies: And then we get Chávez’ daughter asking for “respect”. Her father was very sick for two years and we don’t yet know what we had. We don’t know what he was operated for. Two weeks ago, he was “fine”, spending hours on running the country and then all of a sudden he was worse and died.
Funny, that is what the opposition has been saying all along, that he was ill and was going to die.
But neither Chávez, nor his daughter had any “respect” for Chavistas who believed the tale that he was better and he kept running for President and made them go and vote for him, even as he knew he was dying. Many people knew in May 2011 that he was sick, even your humble Devil wrote about it. And Chavez lied. And he was operated on. And he lied. And he got cancer again. And he lied. And he ran for President knowing he was going to die. And he lied.
You don’t believe me? Here is Hugo himself:
lying and accusing the opposition about inventing his illness and the fact that he is going to die. That he had the backing of more than 60% of Venezuela (lost 5% before the election?) and above all, he kept running and cheating on his supporters and disrespecting them. Betraying them in the end. Just choosing Nico, may be the biggest betrayal of all.
Some respect…
And by now, there is a lot of more betraying going on. Today the Minister for Energy and Oil also announced that the price of the non-existent fx market will be brought down.Funny, the Minister of Finance was nowhere to be seen. Nor were the details of how they would do it.
They say they will create SITME 2, new rules, new friends, new arbitrages, but all smoke and mirrors in the end.
Single question: Who will supply foreign currency to the system. Who? Just tell me. Who?
Just asking…
But they talk about respect.
*Journal For Modern Embalming Science anyone?
The Devil's Excrement 
April 5, 2013 at 5:51 am
Every country is free to decide the way they live, Chavez is respected by his people that what count.
March 15, 2013 at 6:16 pm
OT – Chavez will be brought in a funeral procession, Mass and the great avenues of Caracas, the Museum of the Revolution in a Lincoln limousine hearse brought in from Columbia and built in the Evil Empire. I can’t believe they showed Chavez in a hearse built in the USA.
March 14, 2013 at 9:28 pm
I have no doubt that the Cuban Medicos packed him in Dry Ice and sent him home in good condition. When he got there he was put in a Chino freezer and when the power went out it or (as it always does) the circuit breaker that powered it failed. After many days of calls checking up on him and getting the answer “NO PROBLEMO Comandante es muy frio…BURP”! Then the mummy guys came and you know the rest of the story.
March 14, 2013 at 9:09 pm
Miguel, that video of Chavez is incredible. He himself mentioned everything that happenned to him later on.
March 14, 2013 at 7:06 pm
My wife is ready to pay a flight to return to Venezuela to fight as cadivi wants to pay her pdvsa retirement at 6.3 and the bank has shorted her 40 percent on the transaction. I guess they are really hard up for dollars and the banks are still ladrones.
March 14, 2013 at 7:04 pm
Wow… you’ve outdone yourself this time… BRAVO!
March 14, 2013 at 3:41 pm
want respect?
Respect isn’t given, it’s earned
March 14, 2013 at 3:35 pm
I’m reading some interesting things about “Non-Traditional Exports”…. first of all, what are they? Second of all, what kinds of revenues can be produced? Is it as desperate as it sounds?
March 14, 2013 at 3:27 pm
Miguel,
If it was true (as some now are saying) that Hugo actually bit the dust on Dec 29 2012, the corpse we say on TV starting on March 03 had to be already embalmed.
I do have another theory though, that Hugo really didn’t need to be embalmed ’cause no bug would dare eating his flesh and risk getting poisoned. 🙂
March 14, 2013 at 1:54 pm
EL Universal: Cuba is said to have sent 2,000 agents to lever Maduro Campaign. It sounds like a desperate Cuban insurgency!
March 14, 2013 at 1:56 pm
Can anybody tell how an insolvency of dollar reserves would effect the military?
March 14, 2013 at 3:22 pm
The only way Venezuela will get rid of the Cubans will be at the point of a gun. That’s what it took to get their claws out of Angola (where the Cubans were protecting American owned oil wells and taking a cut of the revenues). The Cubans will not leave peacefully or willingly as America did from the Philippines.
March 14, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Yes, but, whose guns? Or rather, who’ll be pressing the trigger on the other end of the gun? Definitely not our corrupt military.
March 14, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Is it true that Maduro has donned military fatigues (clothes) and has actually tried singing and joking in his campaign?
March 14, 2013 at 11:21 am
Is it possible to get a really good Hugo Chavez impersonator (looks, voice, and attitude) to make random appearances at Capriles rallies and give support to Capriles? Or make videos where he call Chavistas a bunch of
names?
Better than this Chavez impersonator-
March 14, 2013 at 9:50 am
Yes these guys are pretty pathetic and clownish, but it also shows that Chavismo will try everything and stop at nothong to stay in power. I think that Capriles could win a popular vote, but to get these guys out of office may be a very unpleasant business
March 14, 2013 at 9:44 am
I have been a long time reader and quite interested in the subject, and recently found an opinion piece (sent to me by a friend) that was quite well written and posed some interesting dilemas. I’ll link it for you to comment. If Chavez death occurred in Cuba and all of this was a farce, then I can’t seem to fathom how the chavistas will be able to lie their way out of this once the outside pressures start.
http://towelto.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/jorge-serrao-la-verdad-fue-enterrada-antes-que-hugo-chavez/
March 14, 2013 at 8:26 am
Nah, he was only disguised as the savior of the country.
March 14, 2013 at 8:16 am
I forgot to add that the Chavista elites, starting from the so-called Presidente Encargado, are a bunch of idiots, and to the outside world, they make the Venezuelans look ridiculous, uneducated, superstitious. These Chavistas are not only destroying the whole country, but also doing irreparable damage to the reputation of all Venezuelans.
March 14, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Living in Europe, I actually find myself in the position of having to explain to ordinary people reading the news that not all Venezuelans are complete idiots.
March 14, 2013 at 8:11 am
Regarding Chavez’s cancer being caused by a virus induced by the “imperio”, a famous oncologist stated that the only type of cancer caused by a virus is uterine cancer, and not everyone who has the virus gets the cancer. Unless Chavez was a woman disguised as a man, I don’t think he had a uterus!!!
March 14, 2013 at 7:58 am
Wait. Chavez will be resurrected during the election, and he will visit the elite Chavistas for dinner.
March 14, 2013 at 7:53 am
And the idiocy continues:
Maduro claims Roger Noriega & Otto Reich have a plan to murder Capriles:
“Hemos detectado planes de la ultraderecha vinculados al grupo de Roger Noriega (exembajador de EE.UU. ante la OEA) y a Otto Reich (exembajador de EE.UU. en Venezuela) en Estados Unidos para hacer un atentado contra el candidato presidencial de la oposición Capriles”, dijo Maduro.
http://www.noticierodigital.com/2013/03/maduro-hemos-detectado-planes-de-la-ultraderecha-de-eeuu-para-atentar-contra-capriles/
Roger Noriega responds by calling Maduro a clown:
“Róger Noriega @RogerNoriega Maduro, el lider de facto, me acusa de ser lo que son sus titiriteros cubanos: asesinos. #payaso”
http://www.noticierodigital.com/2013/03/roger-noriega-le-dice-payaso-a-maduro/
Can this get any better?
March 14, 2013 at 7:37 am
IQ tests should be mandatory for potential government officials.
March 14, 2013 at 10:29 am
For Venezuela, an hourly pulse check would be nice.
March 14, 2013 at 5:37 pm
They already are. If your IQ is too high, you are not permitted to become a government official. 🙂 All kidding aside, New London CT has had a policy of not hiring cops who test too high. At least it did at one time. Don’t know if New London still doesn’t hire brighter people to become cops.
March 14, 2013 at 7:29 am
Speechless.
March 14, 2013 at 7:17 am
This is amazing: tsx today globe and mail gold price cnn tsx today dollar tsx open today TSX-Today.com TSX Today http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41M6xge3tU
March 14, 2013 at 7:02 am
I have seen a number of claims that Maduro said “Como Bolivar, Chavez murio fuera de estas tierras.” Is that true? There should be video footage if it is.
March 14, 2013 at 5:29 am
Hah!!!
This is the blog I’ve been salivating for!
March 14, 2013 at 4:15 am
If it were up to me, I’d reply to the “poison” angle by saying Chavez got it from opening Bolivar’s tomb.
This would be the “intelligent” response that many of Chavez’ followers would swallow before accepting any rational, scientific explanation about how Cancer can spread.
March 14, 2013 at 10:23 am
I prefer to blame the spread of Chavez cancer on excessive Cuban radiation treatments that induced more cancer rather than eliminating existing cancer cells.
If Maduro knows so much about Chavez sickness and treatment, he should share it with all of Venezuela. If he “knows” that Chavez was poisoned, then he knows every detail.
March 14, 2013 at 4:10 am
Good post Miguel. Sad and true.
March 14, 2013 at 1:52 am
Wow. Venezuela will be the first government on earth to implement a literary genre, that of magical realism into politics….
March 14, 2013 at 1:07 am
As I said in another blog, if it’s too late to preserve Chavez permanently by perfusion fixation with formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde and other potent preservatives, there’s always the option of taxidermy. Just have him mounted and stuffed. This option also provides an additional benefit -Maduro could just slip a track suit over him and drag him along to all of his upcoming campaign appearances. He would be the ultimate campaign prop……
March 14, 2013 at 3:01 am
LMFAO… The thought of Nicocito traveling around the country with a stuffed Chavez is priceless.
March 14, 2013 at 1:29 pm
Too funny! I agree with Roy, and could also see a movie coming forth: “Weekends with Hugo”!
March 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm
>>> … Single question: Who will supply foreign currency to the system. Who? Just tell me. Who?
Chavistas in exile, will repatriate foreign currencies to their families, and send
Care Packages to supplement the nonexistent sugar flour and oil. that’s who.:-)
March 14, 2013 at 1:46 pm
I’ll be damned if the money goes around the black market!
March 13, 2013 at 11:26 pm
Listening to the utter nonsense of the SOB, I am glad he died. And regarding the “investigation” would they investigate Nicolasito? He had access to the clown-in-chief, in private. And he is the guy who benefited the most from the death of the clown. Follow the money, and in this case, the monkey.
March 14, 2013 at 6:56 pm
you should be on CSI! x-celllent remark!
March 16, 2013 at 1:55 am
of course the opposition is racist.
March 13, 2013 at 10:57 pm
Great post, Devil.
Chavez was never challenged by his sycophants when he lied. Maduro and other Chavista officials think this power now belongs to them. That it comes with the position. I am sure there is a lot of smirking going on in Chavistaland when Maduro opens his mouth.
Capriles is pointing out these fallacies to the Nation. I hope everyone pays attention.
March 13, 2013 at 10:52 pm
The bonds failed, it was expensive and useless in the end, why insist?
March 13, 2013 at 11:31 pm
It doesn’t have to make economic sense, it just has to make somebody’s “self-interest sense” and of course make a score of bolibanana nobodies rich.
March 13, 2013 at 11:55 pm
Except it’s gonna be increasingly difficult to have a good night’s sleep with dirty money in a bank account:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/03/13/usa-banks-spying-idINDEE92C0EH20130313
March 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm
You were right
http://www.noticias24.com/venezuela/noticia/156086/esta-listo-el-mecanismo-sustituto-del-sitme-anuncia-maduro/
IDK, it seems to me Giordani will be put “de patitas en la calle” soon. Ramirez recently contradicted him by saying no gas price increases would take place, now this..
March 13, 2013 at 10:51 pm
“They say they will create SITME 2, new rules, new friends, new arbitrages, but all smoke and mirrors in the ends.”
Maybe more bonds?