Archive for October 7th, 2008

The world according to the robolution: Kudos to Guido

October 7, 2008

to Venezuela’s Minister of the Interior and Justice
, Tarek Al Aissami, the
guy carrying the suitcase, Guido Antonini, is both an FBI and a CIA agent, in his
own precise words: “He is an agent of the FBI and a member of the CIA”.

Kudos to Mr. Antonini, who by now must be considered to be like Maxwell
Smart, Super Agent 86 by either of those agencies. Kudos, because this car
mechanic who only ten years ago was toiling in the car repair shops of the town
of La Victoria, Aragua State, managed thanks to his demonstrated abilities to
be hired by the FBI and have his membership to the CIA accepted, which I
imagine requires some form of dispensation from the US Attorney General or even
the top boss himself. Because after all, the FBI can only work in the US and
the CIA only outside that country, so that Antonini must have some sort of very special

And he clearly deserves it due to his accomplishments in his short life
as an agent/super spy. In particular, I imagine that given the repeated
failures of the CIA all over the world, Super Agent Antonini is truly special.
He has not only succeeded in his missions, but he also managed to become a
millionaire in the process, trap the Venezuelan and Argentinean Government and
their respective oil companies and screw his former friends.

And all of that single-handedly and covertly.

In the early stage of his career, Antonini had to get close to his
old friend Franklin Duran as a way of reaching Carlos Kauffmann and partner with
them to get rich enough to be independently wealthy. He was quite successful at
this, partnering with them in a number of deals selling weapons and security
systems to Venezuelan companies as well as advising them with their
petrochemical company Venoco, even if he knew nothing about that business. But
much like Super Agent 86 and Jack Bauer of “24”, Antonini can get into Google
and learn the ropes quite fast for any business he so desires. In fact, in his last and fateful trip, Antonini supposedly was invited not only to carry the suitcase, but also to discuss Chavez’ brainchild the “Gasoducto del Sur”, a pipeline to carry non-existent Venezuelan natural gas to Argentina.

Antonini worked on this in parallel with developing Government connections. He
befriended the Governor of Cojedes State, members of the Board of PDVSA, Uruguayan
Government officials and Argentinean Government officials. To his surprise,
this actually led to more money. Thanks to the Governor of Cojedes, who he
wanted to use only politically, he got in the middle of a project by which
Venezuela would build houses in Uruguay. No houses were ever built, after all what does the Chavez Government kinow about the subject, but now
Duran accuses him of taking his half of a US$ 23 million take on their commission
on this project.

At this point, came Antonini’s most daring gamble, suggesting, I imagine, in casual
conversation that they begin carrying suitcases full of cash to help their
political buddies all over South America. Given that he was US citizen, if
caught, that would give him the opening to turn himself in and then tape his
buddies, politicians and partners spewing out their corrupt schemes. Heck, he
could even tangle up Chavez himself, who he had lunch with a couple of times,
even if he wasn’t on the same table. A daring suggestion, but Agent 86 managed to pull it through.

Antonini began carrying suitcases around full of cash, but given the lax
custom procedures in Latin America, he would never get caught. Moreover, they would always take
him in chartered jets hired by PDVSA, the Venezuelan Government and foreign Governments,
so that they would always go in through the VIP gate, where nobody would check
the suitcases. A few times, he even handed over the suitcase to be checked, but
he was waved through with that gesture so common in Latin America which clearly
says “Please don’t bother me and make me work, just move forward”. In each trip, Antonini would
slip his hand in the suitcase and grab a few thousand bucks for incidental

A new plan had to be implemented. They talked to Hugh Hefner and he
offered an Argentinean
customs agent that was not so bad looking
a contract to appear in that
country’s Playboy magazine, in exchange for checking Antonini’s suitcase.

Then came that fateful day and the rest is history. The suitcase of
Super agent Antonini was opened by Ms. Telpuk and the US$ 800,000 in cash was found.
Just to make it look even worse, he left the half of the money that was his by
law at customs. He even hung around for a couple of days to make it look good
and even went to a cocktail party at the Presidential palace in Buenos Aires, at
which Chavez was present. The food was good and the Malbec was excellent, even
if he always drank Scotch as part of his cover with the robolutionaries.

He then flew to the US where the tape recorders were ready. He asked for help and millions,
and the robolution was willing to deliver. What was one more suitcase? One more
dirty operation? Afew more million in cash? He was after all, one of them, one more corrupt operator and robolutionary that
needed to be financed and protected.

What they did not realize is that he was Guido Antonini. Super Agent 86,
an FBI agent and rank and file member of the CIA. He entrapped them all, friends and foe, Vice-Presidents, Heads of of not so Intelligence Offices and the like. He wrote to Chavez and got a response! Even Minsiter Al Aissami called his buddies!

He was in the end, the best CIA operator of the last few decades. He did all of this alone. Not bad for a car mechanic from La Victoria.

to him, kudos to “Maxwell” Antonini, Super Agent 86!

Next stop for Super Agent 86? It’s unclear, too many problems in the world and he
could fix them all: Iran, Russia, Iraq or even Pakistan.