The mystery of Chavez’ dissapearance explained…or was it?

June 2, 2009

So revolutionary and counter revolutionary la-la-land exhaled a collective sigh of relief when the four day disappearance of the Dictator was finally explained. Simple, the CIA and an 81 year old man had cooked up a very precise plot to launch a rocket against the Cubana de Aviacion plane that was to take him to El Salvador.

But wait! Why did he not show up for four days? Why did he concede defeat in his quest for his four day Alo Presidente Marathon? Come on! Even the Guinness Book people were here in Caracas to monitor Chavez beat Fidel’s record. Oh! Could that be it?

But how does the rocket plot explain the four day hiatus?

And since we are talking about the rocket, why did Maduro say it was Alejandro Peña Esclusa and now Chavez says it was the CIA and Luis Posada Capriles? You have to give credit to the CIA, in this era of gadgets and technology, they went with an octogenarian with experience. That’s what’s called an equal opportunity employer.

I imagine when you want to shoot down a plane with a rocket like that, those that want to do the shooting (and get paid for it), do like when Chavez asks Wall Street investment banks to give him proposals for new bond issues: They come one after the other with fancy notebooks and presentations and the best proposal wins.

I can imagine Posada showing up like Giordani, with his viewgraphs written with indelible ink, no colors, and everyone at the CIA scrambling to find a viewgraph projector. But then Posada gave a kick-ass presentation and some jerk at the CIA who is getting fired today gave him the green light.

I also wonder if Posada himself was going to hold and aim the rocket launcher. It’s been pretty hot down in Maiquetia these days, just ask Wolfram. Why didn’t they use Jack Bauer? He could have come up with twelve working plots in 24 hours.

And you have to accept that Barack and Hillary are quite devious, no? They played the nice guys in Trinidad, while at the same time they were giving the CIA the green light to go kill Hugo. Truly amazing how sneaky these democrats have turned out to be. I wonder if Bill  knew about it. Or Monica, for that matter.

But the only thing I don’t understand is why Maduro said it was Peña Esclusa. I guess Maduro is very patriotic and preferred a Venezuelan-made plot versus this highly sophisticated US-rocket launcher-including-octogenarian plot.

So now we can all sleep assured that Chavez is protected from the malevolous Empire and that the revolutionary Government keeps the population informed at every step of Chavez’ whereabouts with the transparency that characterizes other Dictatorships/Autocracies. I mean, where is Fidel? Where is Kim Il-Sung?

But we know where our Hugo is and was…

Or did we?

13 Responses to “The mystery of Chavez’ dissapearance explained…or was it?”

  1. Charly Says:

    Roberto, the fellow is Samora Machel, president of Mozambique. The real story is that while he was at the conference in Lusaka, his Russian crew got drunk, forgot to refill and the plane crashed right on the final approach to Maputo but inside South African territory. The plane did not catch fire. Rumors are that Machel was still alive and the Afrikaners finished him off on the ground.

  2. LD Says:

    sorry, continues…
    *not at the uppermost balcony with better sight
    **it was a not announced event

  3. LD Says:

    Yes, it’s all but clear. That could be his intention of course. But he could be suffering from paranoia too. Look at the video/pictures, he was in a good protected balcony, and a lot of security people was there. And some pounds heavier or wearing protection.

  4. firepigette Says:


    cynical and gullible are part of the same coin.he is both.

    you have to be quite gullible to be that cynical because in the end, bad deeds will catch up , though if you can observe, they already have and will continue.

  5. MiguelE Says:

    This story is so hard to believe; and I think Chavez is either very gullible or very cynical.

    Cynical because, although he knows this is a lame excuse and obvious lie, he tells it to his followers as part of his propaganda, hoping that the portion of his followers that blindly believe him, will think it’s true.

  6. firepigette Says:

    “Too many thugs are betting on him and without him they are in deep trouble.”

    quite certain !

  7. Roberto Says:

    Last night I watched our dear leader explain how an unnamed “African Dictator” (Chavez dixit) died when the CIA, from a “secret groundstation” & via satellite, managed to take control of said dictators plane and guide it to a fiery crash in some mountains.

    Poor guy, so many people gunning for him!

  8. Kepler Says:

    Yep. To a certain extent, Chavez is becoming Mugabe faster than I thought: even if he wanted to leave (which he doesn’t), he couldn’t. Too many thugs are betting on him and without him they are in deep trouble.

  9. maria gonzalez Says:

    I was thinking the same. However, this is also a “criollo made” plot to keep Chacumbele in line. For example if Chacumbele had talked for two more days, he may really make the Cedice conference even more visible, we will know more about when Globo will be closed and details about Venezuela actions in the next OEA meeting. We will have more information about what is the real goal of the new Electoral Law. So somebody of the “internal circle” created the magnicidio and he had to hide for a little while.

  10. Alek Boyd Says:

    Te botaste Miguel, this is excellent stuff, so similar of that previous plot in October 2002 when another guy intent on assassinating the Great Leader was hiding in some bushes around Tacoa with another rocket-launcher. Remember that one?

  11. Deanna Says:

    This is like the fable about the boy who cried “wolf.” When the time finally comes that a “supposed” attempt on his life succeeds, nobody will ever believe “magnicidio”. Venezuelans will say that it’s only another figment of Chavez’s and his followers imagination!!!!

  12. bruni Says:

    Very funny Miguel, I had the same reaction yesterday when I read the news.

    Now, there is something serious about it: I personally think that the cuban intelligence entourage invents those plots so that the bond of Chavez with Cuba is kept strong. Now was Nicaragua the supposed intelligent source…same strategy.

  13. Interested Says:

    I have heard a rumor that Hugo is in Clinica Caracas with a brain aneurism and that is why he has not been heard of for a few days. Makes sense – Hugo disappears for a few days (no alo presidente on the 10th anniversary and no trip to el salvador). Also Clinica Caracas specializes in brain injuries.

    Can anyone confirm this

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