War Venezuelan style by Laureano Márquez

July 27, 2009

(Este post en español aquí)

I started fantasizing with the idea of what would happen to us if, all of a sudden, we were involved in two war conflicts at the same time: An invasion of Honduras and a war with our Colombian brothers. The first thing we would have to negotiate with the latter is that they do not interrupt the commercial exchange which benefits both of us.

We would have schedules for battles and hours for trading things at the border. During cease fires, logically, Venezuela soliders would visit Cúcuta to buy leather jackets for their girlfriends, mothers and sisters.

Fuel demand for Colombian tanks would promote a black market in which our National Guard, for sure, would have active participation to sell gasoline to the Colombian military  with a surcharge.

Of course, when we start selling our gasoline to Colombia, it will start creating shortages, as it has ussually happened, on our side, so that our tanks will be stuck, we will lose the war, the Gulf and Zulia State, which will become Colombian and Carmona will be its Governor.

Meanwhile, our Air Force would begin an intense bombing over Tegucigalpa and the Government palace of Micheletti. Our troops would invade Honduras via Nicaragua and our ships would block the coasts.

Probably due to the confusion, our Armed Forces would take over Belize, because nobody knows it is there and would anex it to Honduras. Once this initial confusion is overcome we go in Honduras and restore Zelaya, hat and all. We would have to dissolve immediately the Honduran Congress and its Supreme Court.

The OAS would intervene. but Chaderton would say that the coup is justified this time around, he takes all of the arguments of the previous sessions and turns them around…Insulza becomes convinced that there are good coups and bad coups.

Because surely all Government officials, leaders of PSUV and Deputies of the National Assembly will be setting an example in the first line of fire, they neglect Caracas and the fascist and coupster opposition takes advantage of the situation and stages a coup against Chávez. He looks for help in Honduras and spends in a single day eighty thousand dollars in red shirts in devastated Tegucigalpa. Zelaya gets pissed becaus of the expenses and because he wants to be above him and boss him around. He decides to expell him from the country, but because Venezuelan troops are in Honduras, Chavez stages a coup against Zelaya, has him shot and stays as President of Honduras, he calls Micheletti as Vice Presidente, breaks relations with venezuela and expells all of its diplomatic personnel from that country, while he says he will not tolerate the intrevention of any foreign power  in that country, least of all Venezuela with its petro-checkbook.

Chaderton returns to the OAS and convinces Insulza that Zelaya had to be removed from power with the argumenst that Micheletti had before.

This story will continue…

2 Responses to “War Venezuelan style by Laureano Márquez”

  1. Roger Says:

    Of course there is a cease-fire during Every Siesta every day plus all day during Fairs, Joropo and Llanero and Coleo Events and the usual LatAm stuff like Semana Santa!

  2. concerned Says:

    In this bizarro world, anything could happen. You probably gave too much credit to the Venezuelan military for such a quick conquest of Honduras as their will to fight will certainly minimize once they depart Venezuelan soil. It is hard enough to get them to mobilize for Chavez on home turf. Also, the airforce has yet to demonstrate that they could actually hit a target…especially if it is shooting back. The other point would be that Chavez would be calling the shots from the safety of Cuba and not on the ground in Honduras. I also wouldn’t wish him on the Hondurans…They deserve better.

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