Tales From Maduro’s Mind: Chavez’ Little Bird Apparition

April 2, 2013

(Video also here)

You can’t make this corny, stupid, silly stuff up. Interim President Maduro says that this morning he went to a small chapel made out of wood (Where? Made out of wood. Really Nicolas? He was also alone, praying, sure Nicolas, we believe you) and a little bird came in and chirped at him (Maduro repeats the sounds and everything) and he whistled back the same pretty chirp. And then comes the jump into the mystical, it was Chavez, he felt the spirit, blessing the campaign, yada yada yada…

Really, hard to make this stuff up. Hard to even think of saying such things.

Chigüire Bipolar gives up making jokes, says it is really hard to make things up after Maduro saying this.

81 Responses to “Tales From Maduro’s Mind: Chavez’ Little Bird Apparition”

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  4. JPHAYES Says:

    Or perhaps Chavez appearing as a tricky little mono singing “The Wheels on the Bus” (are coming off fast)?

  5. JPHAYES Says:

    Oh, I see, Maduro intends to deprive us of material for late night comedy shows! How tragic! So, we won’t get the news when Big Bird announces that Chavez appeared as a fish (in his favorite Sushi joint?) to sing “Three Little Fishies.” Didn’t know he followed Satya Sai Baba, thought he was more the Maria Lionsa type!

  6. JPHAYES Says:

    Torquemada also was of Jewish ancestry, converted to the Spanish Roman Catholicisim that accepted coerced conversions. Hard to find others of that time who persecuted Jews more sadistically, zelaously and efficiently. As Torquemada,so Maduro, who brought Hezbollah into the country.

  7. JPHAYES Says:

    IF Maduro also embargoes trade other than petroleum with the US, he’ll be doing us a favor. His Bolivares fuertes aren’t worth as much as toilet paper, and we’re a little tired of getting stiffed on the fake dollars his finance ministry getsfrom the North Korean government printing office via Havana Criminal Enterprises, Inc’s external finance ministry. So, what’s he going to deprive us of if not fake dollars? Cacao- nah, that’s being traded to Beolorussia for pink chicken, Russia for God knows what. Cocaine?

  8. JPHAYES Says:

    It was both Maduro announcing that HIS greatest ambition is not to be pResidente, but only to be BIG BIRD, PLUS a foreshadowing of the debut of the clone that Fidel created of Chavez from his tumor, a la the old Woody Allen movie, “Bananas.” Soon, everyone will have to speak Esperanto and wear underwear on the exterior! But that’s 21st century socialist change. By the way, if Maduro blockades the shipment of heavy sulfurous crude to the US, it will hurt his regime more than anybody else, so bring it on!

  9. Jeffry house Says:

    “ornithomancy”; noun,
    (Spirituality, New Age, Astrology & Self-help / Alternative Belief Systems) divination from the flight and cries of birds.

  10. Slledge77 Says:

    This Maduro dude is beyond retarded and insane, not to mention severely uneducated pathologically delusional. Also, of course, he’s just another thug hungry for power and money. Que vaina con Venezuela, conio.

    • jose Says:

      not to mention that he already has a lot of money, he stolen it from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

  11. Ronaldo Says:

    Maduro also has issues with religion.

    Wikipedia says
    “Although Maduro was raised, and is nominally, a Roman Catholic, he also is a follower of the Sathya Sai Baba movement[6] and his paternal family ancestry is of Sephardic Jewish origin.[7][8][9][10]”

    Does anyone have any evidence of Maduro in a church, wooden or stone?
    Does he attend regularly? Did he learn compassion or honesty?

    Sathya Sai Baba was a mystic from India. Strange to most of us but okay I suppose. Sathya Sai Baba supported a variety of free educational institutions, hospitals, and other charitable works in over 166 countries.
    It is worth noting that Sathya Sai Baba had $millions in gold and cash in his house that was found after he died in 2011.

    It appears that Maduro’s ancestors on his father’s side were Jews from Spain. Surprise. As Capriles said Maduro does not know history including Maduro’s own family history. Maduro incessantly refers to Capriles in Nazi terms.

    Maduro’s religious beliefs are confusing at the least. None of this should disqualify Maduro from becoming president but it is impossible to know what he is thinking.

  12. […] Chavez v2.o ainda consegue ser mais ridículo que o […]

  13. Mick Says:

    Why not count on the machines for a quick outcome and hand count during the lame duck period for the formal outcome? That way both numbers would have to be similar to be legitimate, or at least harder to fake.

    • concerned Says:

      In the past, the national guard has been photographed burning boxes of paper ballots the following day, so don’t count on that. Only one side wants an accurate and legitimate count, and the other side will stop at nothing to prevent it.

      • NorskeDiv Says:

        Yeah, paper ballots don’t prevent fraud when the government is determined to engage in fraud. They do at least make it more obvious when fraud is occurring.

        • Ronaldo Says:

          The current Iranian government announced clearly fraudulent results in their last presidential election. Then they challenged anyone to do something about it along with killing some protestors. Maduro has been in contact with Ahmenijad about this issue and if needed Maduro will receive instructions from Iran.

          Vzla opposition must protest and continue to protest if the April 14 election is fraudulent.

  14. Phil Says:

    A bus driver, listening to birds, running a country!
    Definitely the land of the free (range).

  15. Kepler Says:

    Miguel, fuera de tema: has leído sobre el (nuevo) escándalo de las cuentas en paraísos fiscales? Al parecer varios diarios internacionales tienen los datos de cientos de miles de personas. En Venezuela no se atreverán a mostrar nada de eso, pero sería interesante si uno en EUA o en Europa lo hiciera con los boliburgueses…habrá alguno de Cabellos otorgados por Dios o algo así.

  16. Ronaldo Says:

    Will Maduro give more details of his encounter with Chavez?

  17. m_astera Says:

    Here is a link to an excellent critique of electronic voting:

    “Can electronic voting work?

    “Many attempts have been made to “fix the problems” with electronic voting, but rather than trying to go through issue after issue, I’ll try to address it from the other end: Is it logically possible to make it work? To answer that question one has to boil down the essential requirements first, and then see how they can be implemented.”

    I would venture that the main purpose of electronic voting is to allow those controlling the machines to decide the outcome.

    • NorskeDiv Says:

      Agreed. Electronic voting should simply be done away with. More and more municipalities are dumping them in the US.

      Chavistas frequently claim Smartmatic’s source code is open, but it’s a complete lie. I did considerable research into it and only a small portion of Smartmatic’s code was ever open sourced years ago, and the current version being used in Venezuela is not open source. Needless to say, unless you have the exact code of the machine on the day of the vote, open source is meaningless.

      Smartmatic allows a limited viewing of code by selected individuals, i.e. exactly the same as Diebold.

      Dump E-voting. It’s a waste of money and error prone at best.

    • m_astera Says:

      I remember reading, after the expulsion of Zelaya from Honduras, that the ballots for the constitutional referendum were found along with, as I recall, a complete set of fake computer printouts showing the outcome of the referendum, all provided by the Chavez (Cuban) government. That is how they work, and I imagine that is their plan for this election as well.

      • concerned Says:

        The cne has manipulated the results since the 2004 recall, and I am not sure why it is expected that it would be different this time. The software dictates the predetermined outcome, and having observers in place at the polling stations only gives you a false sense that everything is above board.

        This mechanism for electoral fraud has played a part in elections from Honduras (anyone remember the fake poll results that were pre printed for use that were uncovered after zelaya was ousted?) to Iran, with chavez’s support and “advisors” active in its implementation. All controlled under castro’s thumb. Why again does cuba control the venezuela electoral registry? Why would we expect this time to be different? Who will insure that the actual vote count is reported? Why are the students the only ones with the balls to march toward cne headquarters to demand a fair election while being beat down in the process?

        • concerned Says:

          Sorry m_astera for duplicating what you wrote about Honduras. I was getting mad thinking about the 2004 discrepencies that jimmy carter blessed (for a small donation to the carter foundation), and forgot what I was replying to. Had the audits been conducted correctly in 2004, it is possible that the electronic voting machines and software would never have evolved into the “revolutionary” tool it is today. How have they influenced recent elections in Ecuador and Bolivia for example?

  18. Virginia Says:

    The entire situation is incomprehensible!

  19. island canuck Says:

    I’m just waiting for the wage increase announcement.

    Anybody wanting to guess how much.
    It won’t matter that they don’t have the funds to cover it.

    I’m going to guess at least 35% but wouldn’t be surprised at more.
    These people are desperate.

    • Gordo Says:

      Maduro should play the harp as Caracas burns!

    • Roger Says:

      Unless Mercal (the government) is going to make up the difference in the price of food, that is about right. What no one here has stated is that price increase due to the devaluation is showing up at the Mercal or if the government is “eating “it?
      If they are, how long can they do it? The day after the election is pushing it. Right?
      To keep this in perspective, this is not just about the poor uneducated E people but also about those who are educated and supporting their extended family members while receiving wages below their skill level.

    • gordo Says:

      …and what can Caprilas do to defuse the bomb?

  20. Carolina Says:

    Jokes aside, THAT IMBECILE is the president in charge, and most likely, would win.

  21. Gordo Says:

    I’m not so concerned about this election as I am about what happens after the election. However, I’m learning a lot about what stupid things it takes to get votes!

    If Capriles wins and the polarization continues, it might end up like what’s happening in the US, opposition obstruction and government paralysis unable to deal with the economic chaos, and all this blamed on Capriles.

    If Maduro wins, it might be continued Cuban styled socialism, erosion of the middle-class, ineffective use of petro-dollars, and (just possibly) a learning experience for the masses that can bring everyone together and restore consensus and effective governance.

    • concerned Says:

      This is a cuban styled communism where el pueblo is reduced to total dependence on the government and handouts to insure total subservience.

      If Capriles wins (first six months):
      1. Cut ties with cuba and steer away from castro’s gran plan columbia.
      2. Restore the petrodollars for venezuela’s use first
      3. Remodel the currency with open exchange removing the oportunities for corruption.
      4. Encourage open but fair international investment to help restore local production creating job opportunities and reducing dependence on costly imports.
      5. Seriously address the crime issue.

      Immediate improvements in quality of life of el pueblo across the board. There is much talk about how difficult it would be for Capriles if he won. I disagree. Very few presidents the world over will have had the opportunity to make such a positive impact in such a short time taking over such a country of this total disrepair.

      • Mick Says:

        You forgot free speech, or at least some form of media that is not government controlled.

        • concerned Says:

          Free speech in the press and media broadcasts. No more forced cadenas or percecutions for anyone who doesn’t agree with the policies.

          The list of possible immediate improvements is almost endless, and will fall into the hands of Capriles if he wins. He could wake up every morning and say, how do I want to improve Venezuela today? You can only improve from here.

  22. Dr. Faustus Says:

    From what I’m reading there will be a ‘major’ announcement from the Capriles campaign TODAY concerning the use of government funds and the military during the election campaign.

    If he, Capriles, does this right, it could be game changer. This is precisely what he must do. They must highlight the theft of government funds for the benefit of those currently in office. This should make headlines around the world. Big stuff coming……

  23. Anonymous Says:

    Its funny to see how much this guy tries to mimic Chavez. The sad part is that because of the level of ignorance a lot of people believe him like they did Chavez.
    My take on all this is that Maduro will be elected but he won’t last a year…

    • Ronaldo Says:

      As usual no questions from the audience were allowed. At least in the U.S. there is always some dude in the back who will shout “Are you out of your fricking Mind?”

  24. Dr. Faustus Says:

    “Only scraps of food are left to eat in Venezuela.”

    Staring at this campaign from a distance it’s difficult to comprehend how the Chavistas can run an election with empty store shelves. How do they get away with it? Isn’t that fundamental to all what Hugo Chavez promised to the pueblo? Food? Sustenance? The basics of life. Again, from a distance, this election campaign appears to be immersed in group insanity, Orwellian. People are shown to be laughing and smiling, yet the food supplies have dropped dramatically, the violence in the streets is beyond belief and the incumbent politicians treat their electorate as complete fools. How can this be possible? Even Kafka couldn’t dream-up this fantastic scenario. You people are gonna vote these morons back into office? I’m stunned.

    • concerned Says:

      As vacant as the shelves are, chavismo is mortgaging the future once again to stock what few items can be found, or truck out to select communities the pdval trucks with basic items to minimize the effect of the shortages until after the election. After the election and everything balances, expect less of the same items.

      The problem is that el pueblo has aclimated to chavismo’s tactics and shortcomings. Give us this day our daily bread, and we will overlook the fact that you are insane.

    • jose Says:

      yes, it is exaclty what will happen here, venezuelans will go to vote for the “prophet” maduro, despite the devaluation of our currency (twice) in 67% and 5% inflation (january and February 2013) people get the government they deserve, sadly I have to live here.

  25. Ronaldo Says:

    Maduro’s bird sounds were better than I expected. Maduro is a ventriloquist who speaks for the corpse in his coffin.

    If Chavez returns as a bird, it will most certainly be a vulture. Only scraps of food are left to eat in Venezuela.

  26. Deanna Says:

    Nicolas Maduro and his bird tale are so ridiculous, they’re not even worth commenting!!

  27. Mick Says:

    It took years for Hugo to become a paranoid schizophrenic. Maduro has become delusional in only a few months. Even if the koolade drinkers don’t see this, the unsure Chavistas will. All Caprilles needs is a few percent to slide his way.

  28. Kepler Says:

    Son vainas mías o la manera en que Maduro dice “derecha” (dereeesha) es un poco sifrina,

  29. terrance rogan Says:

    chavez appears to have a lower profile in the afterlife. what happened to “THE EAGLE WHO DOESNT HUNT FLIES”?

  30. concerned Says:

    I was finally able to watch the video last night, and the attention from the group was hilarious to watch. At least two on camera yawns, although trying to cover with their hand. They all looked like they wanted to be somewhere else, except for his novia.

  31. Kepler Says:

    Most people thought this was ludicrous…and yet: the more I speak to people in Venezuela and hear from those living in those C and D areas where most live, the sadder I get at the level of ignorance that prevails.

    For us this kind of show is completely pathetic, repulsive and so on.

    Most people in Venezuela are of the “Catholic light” sort and take things humourusly – way too humorously, as even Emilio Lovera concedes)

    And yet: most people, by far the majority, believe in the Evil Eye
    and stuff like that. There are large proportions of the population (10%+)
    now going for fundamentalist groups (mostly Pentecostal and Pentecostal-ish)
    and many others take all kinds of irrational thoughts to mold their worldview.

    I had difficulty when I kept reading from people talking about the level of supersticion in Venezuela. I would say: come on, there is a lot, but don’t exagerate.

    Friends of relatives (so, this is anecdotal, but it comes from different ones and different places) tell us in some governmental places where Cubans work (not just health sector but even PDVSA) they have to perform Santería rites for their Cuban bosses. Some of them think it’s mental and others “evil” but still this is something that seems to be popping up again and again and it doesn’t turn into a scandal, it is tolerated, even if this is not per se something Chavismo need…or does it?

    The Santería movement has revived a lot with the flow of people from “communist” Cuba.

    Recently some friends of mine told me about a long long queue of people…people waiting for the witch to read their urine. They would go with a flask full of their urine, the “doctor” would examine that, prescribe some herbs, stamp (yes, stamp) his sign on the paper and charge. That queue was not in some remote place, hidden, at night…it is in central Venezuela, in the middle of the city.

    When I was a child my dad told me about similar stories that happened in the countryside when HE was a child, before Pérez Jiménez. These things never ever disappeared but we didn’t see them. They are blossoming now.

    Venezuelans can all have mobiles and eat Alaska salmon and Ohio maize at “socialist prices” but José Rodríguez or Yulisay García, away from El Hatillo,
    will either think “Maduro exagera, es en brooooma, jiji” or they will actually believe it somehow.

    • moctavio Says:

      I really dont think this act was bought by the Venezuelan people, Chavez had charm and was loved, Maduro is but a parody of his former boss, people want to learn what he is about, not for him to badly imitate Chavez. I dont buy this plays well in C and D.

      • Kepler Says:

        Miguel, what I am saying is that even those who don’t buy it will say: “ah, está echando broma” because one way or the other, they are surrounded by an imaginary world we simply find stupid and they just “a part of life”.

        Even if many don’t formally believe Chávez was really talking to Maduro, even if Maduro is definitely not winning votes with this act, this very declaration about the birdie, as much repulsive as it is to us, is inoffensive or harmless to those people.

        They might not believe in this birdie, but they do believe in similar birdies or their relatives do believe that birds do talk like that or that someone can give the Evil Eye to them.

  32. deananash Says:

    Miguel, you’ve seen way more than I, but from a political standpoint, wasn’t this one of Maduro’s better (if not best) performances?

    Logical, reasonable, educated people would all laugh at such nonsense. Unfortunately, the Chavistas eat it up. Keep reminding yourself: we are not the audience…

    • moctavio Says:

      Not so sure this works with Maduro, people want to find out what he is all about, the “people” barely know him and what he is trying to do is to badly imitate Chavez.

  33. […] Maduro relates what he heard from a little birdie. […]

  34. Andrea Says:

    Patethic asshole!! Trying to mymic his previous boss but not credibile at all in his gestures! Go home idiot!!

  35. Ira Says:

    How fat was the bird?

    • syd Says:

      well, after chemo, radiation therapy, four operations, a tracheotomy, and a couple of months in bed, not very.

  36. Noel Says:

    Maybe all Capriles needs for his campaign is to upload on the Internet a video montage of Maduro’s TOP Ten clips with wistles and all.

  37. Roger Says:

    Little wooden chapel. You would think he would have appeared to a group of Venezuelan children, that he loves so much, in a grotto or something. If he wanted to touch his followers, he should have manifested himself at a playa (beach) for they sure were not a church! Oh wait, Capriles was the one at the beach and the church!
    If these guys knew technology, they could put Chavez back government TV ala Max Headroom!

  38. Mick Says:

    This says a lot about how scared Chavez was when he went to Cuba. He picked this buffoon because of his loyalty… he was obviously afraid the others would pull the plug the first chance they got.

    Can you just imagine him channeling Hugo for five hours every Sunday on live TV for the next 6 years?

  39. Álavaro G. Requena Says:

    My impression is that he didn’t notice that the little bird was pregnant. He is so much convinced it is true… He believes it!!!!!!

  40. Marsha Says:

    Maybe it was a looney bird

  41. moctavio Says:

    I see it

  42. nucleo200 Says:

    the video is gone? help me find it

  43. Two things:
    1.- The “me lo dijo un pajarito” was one of Chavez’s tactics to say anything without actually saying who said so (or if actually anyone told him anything). Maduro copying Chávez again.
    2.- Is it true that “el chino Cano” is going to manage CADIVI now??? O.o

  44. JaneW Says:

    So, how does this work, Maduro’s brain esta lleno de pajaritos preñados or his brain was preñado por el pajarito

  45. concerned Says:

    Capriles should throw in the towel. With such a obvious sign of divine intervention supporting the revolution, there is no way he can win. 🙂

    It is a good thing that in the apparition chavez did not appear as a chicken, as they are hard to find now and someone would have scooped him up to fill a soup pot.

    I know now that chavez hand picked maduro as his successor because it would be guaranteed that even the opposition would miss chavez when compared to this clown.

  46. Charly Says:

    Is that the bird Toripollo saw this morning?

  47. Marilu Gruber Says:

    Sorry, I meant fairy tale.

  48. Is this a Cuban style fairly tale?

  49. jau Says:

    Te de campanita

  50. Reblogged this on danmillerinpanama and commented:
    Maduro’s mystical abilities and insights are marvels to behold. However, to see the deceased el Presidente as a chirping little bird transcends belief.

    What next? In what other forms might Chavez appear? One can only guess and probably be wrong. However, here are just a few possibilities:

    As his ghost angel dropping bread and fish from Heaven to the assembled devoted, as the spirits of Bolivar and of Che watch entranced,

    Chavez seated in clinics dispensing cures for unknown illnesses to the peasants of Venezuela,

    or maybe (to frighten the opposition) a Chavez-like vulture lurking on a limb waiting to pounce.

    No matter, the imaginations of Chavistas are far more inventive than mine.

  51. Charly Says:

    He got confused, that was not Chavez, couldn’t be, he has not resuscitated yet. It was the Holy Ghost who visited him to infuse him a bit of much needed wisdom. Once Chavez resuscitate there won’t be a trinity anymore, but a quadrinity; the father, the son, the holy ghost and the love child. May be Toripollo will then become pope.

    • BB Cuiba Says:

      It can’t be chavez because he said he’s meet the Cardinal in hell. So, it must a demon bird he saw.

  52. m_astera Says:

    Now that is appealing to the lowest denominator.

    Hugo is lord, and Nicolas is his prophet.

    Those with an interest in the outre’ side of mysticism might want to look up the word egregore.

  53. Kenneth Price Says:

    Why do I suspect that his prior stop was a bar, and that he downed a liter of good Scotch, after that he could carry on a conversation with a convenient tree!

  54. CarlosElio Says:

    That was a tweet chávez sent to him from purgatory. Maduro will go to purgatory tomorrow to talk for five hours with chávez.

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